Books I Didn't Finish - I'll Be Gone In The Dark

As a new aspect of my blog, I am going to be including reviews of books I did not finish (or DNF).  For a long time, I would force myself to get through every single book I picked up, even if I genuinely did not enjoy it.  This habit really put a damper on my love of reading, so for the last year, I have worked on letting myself move on from books I don’t love without feeling guilty about it.  I know a lot of people have mixed feelings about this, but I personally felt that I was missing out on books I would really like because I was spending so much time trying to get through ones I didn’t.  For me, sticking with books I love works.

This is in no way an attempt to bash or speak negatively about a book. I also never want to purposefully discourage someone from reading a particular book; just because it’s not for me doesn’t mean someone else won’t enjoy it.  I simply want to create a more well-rounded picture of who I am as a reader for all of you, and keep a more accurate record of what I’m reading for myself.  I’m going to be sharing ‘reviews’ of books I get part of the way through - a general description, picture of the cover, and what my thoughts are.  

If you read this book and loved it, that’s great!  I welcome any comments that can help me see a book in a new light and maybe get me to take a second look at it.  

Without further ado:

I’ll Be Gone In the Dark:  One Woman’s Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer

by Michelle McNamara

Release date 2/27/2018

Audiobook length ~10 hours

According to the publisher, “For more than ten years, a mysterious and violent predator committed fifty sexual assaults in Northern California before moving south, where he perpetrated ten sadistic murders. Then he disappeared, eluding capture by multiple police forces and some of the best detectives in the area.

Three decades later, Michelle McNamara, a true crime journalist who created the popular website TrueCrimeDiary.com, was determined to find the violent psychopath she called "the Golden State Killer." Michelle pored over police reports, interviewed victims, and embedded herself in the online communities that were as obsessed with the case as she was.

I’ll Be Gone in the Dark—the masterpiece McNamara was writing at the time of her sudden death—offers an atmospheric snapshot of a moment in American history and a chilling account of a criminal mastermind and the wreckage he left behind. It is also a portrait of a woman’s obsession and her unflagging pursuit of the truth. Utterly original and compelling, it is destined to become a true crime classic—and may at last unmask the Golden State Killer.”

As the summary states, Michelle McNamara was a journalist, blogger, and amateur crime investigator.  She was also the wife of comedian Patton Oswald. Sadly, this book was unfinished when McNamara suddenly passed away, so several chapters have a disclaimer that they had been pieced together from the author’s notes or other articles she had previously written.  

I’ll Be Gone in the Dark is part true crime, part memoir of the author.  While McNamara gives facts about the crimes of the infamous Golden State Killer, she also includes readers in her life and process of her investigation.  Because McNamara did all of this research herself, this book gives a very unique take on true crime writing.  She is not just reporting what the police found; she was in the trenches, discovering this information herself.  As a testament to the impact of McNamara’s work on this case, when the suspect was finally apprehended by the authorities, they used “Golden State Killer,” the term coined by the author, to refer to him.

This book is groundbreaking, and I truly wanted to read and finish it.  However, the depiction of the serial rapes and robberies was too much for me.  Several years ago, my apartment was broken into, and this book kept taking me back to the horrible sensation of feeling unsafe in my own home that haunted me in the weeks and months after the break-in.  I borrowed the audiobook from the library, so I knew I had to listen to it in a timely fashion, but I would feel so anxious every time I got in my car and knew I had to press play to listen while I drove to work.

I do not recommend this book to anyone who has been a victim of crime themselves, or who is strongly affected by violence.  The descriptions are detailed and constant throughout the book.  There are no happier interludes to take the edge off.

For those who are interested in this book, I strongly recommend reading a physical copy rather than the audiobook.  There is an immense amount of facts and information given throughout the book, and at times, I felt like I needed to backtrack to make sure I had everything straight, which is not really possible while listening to the audio version.

If you read this book and enjoyed it, tell me why in the comments.  I’d love to hear some dissenting opinions!