Guest Review - And Now We Have Everything: On Motherhood Before I Was Ready

Today we have something a little different - what I hope will be the first of many guest reviews from one of my friends!

The honor of first guest review goes to Jasmine Bella, generally wonderful person and mom-extraordinaire. I am so very thankful that she took the time to write this and I hope you all enjoy it! Without further ado:

And Now We Have Everything: On Motherhood Before I Was Ready

by Meaghan O’Connell

release date 04/10/2018

241 pages

5 out of 5 stars

I’ve never been great at summarizing books. Or good at it. Or good at summarizing anything. I’ll be in the middle of reading a book and can still barely tell someone what it’s about when asked. It’s not that I’m reading blindly, just letting the words flow in and out; it’s that I read far too deeply and think too much while reading (especially if the book is good, which I usually think it is (I have a knack for steering clear of bad books)) and get caught up in the details and my own personal feelings about what the book is coming to mean to me. It’s especially this way with the books about motherhood that have been recently published, which I am now interested in because I’m a new mother. For now, let’s talk about Meaghan O’Connell’s And Now We Have Everything: On Motherhood Before I Was Ready.

From Goodreads: “Meaghan O’Connell always felt totally alienated by the cutesy, sanctimonious, sentimental tone of most writing about motherhood. After getting accidentally pregnant in her twenties, she realized that the book she needed - a brutally honest, agenda-less take on the emotional and existential impact of motherhood - didn’t exist. So she decided to write it herself.”

The thought that I initially had when starting this review was that of course I’d rate a book about motherhood kindly because it’s something I’d just gone through, and a sort of kinship can develop over a shared experience or a feeling of being “seen.” But then I thought about other motherhood-related books I’ve read recently, or even while pregnant, and how I was able to read them objectively and note how flat, clinical, or outright Not Like Me the stories were, and I realized it was more than just “oh, I’m a new mom, too!”

I learned about this book through an internet friend who I’d randomly followed on Twitter one day last year. We liked each other’s tweets every so often, but never had a back-and-forth conversation. Eventually, I was posting about being pregnant online. And then a few months later, she direct messaged me to let me know she was too. Now, we’re friends on everything. I have a son, she has a daughter, we’re constantly cooing and squealing over each other’s babies' Instagram stories. Anyway, I’ve been pretty loud on social media about the ups and downs of my ongoing motherhood experience, and after a particularly annoyed morning wherein I yelled about breastfeeding and formula, she sent me a link to an article. The article was the breastfeeding chapter of this very book! I preordered it that day and it arrived on my Kindle when it was released a few days later. I think I read it in mere days.

O’Connell does a tremendous job of bringing you into her world, her psyche, but not apologizing for the thoughts and fears she has. I don’t know how many pregnancy books or books about becoming a mother you, reader, have read, but most of them keep things at an almost superficial level. It’s all cute and light, even the fears. Most people don’t get into the nooks and crannies of the extreme emotional ups and downs a woman might experience as her body creates another human being. O’Connell’s whole world doesn’t change because she gave birth. It’s okay if that happens! (It did for me!) But it’s also okay if it doesn’t, and that’s the point she tries to convey.

Throughout the pregnancy and into motherhood, she’s still herself. She still wants to be a writer. She still wants her own, separate identity. That isn’t an easy task for a new mother. I’ve noticed in my own life that some childless friends don’t seem to really know how to talk to me anymore. It’s as if, to them, I’m a mom now and that’s it. O’Connell tackles her own version of this topic with precision as well, noting throughout the book how her best friendships were slowly devolving.

But it isn’t all gloom! O’Connell is real about her struggles, but also real about the triumphs. It was honestly (I can’t believe I’m going to write something so cliche) a refreshing read. From lows to highs, it was one woman’s honest depiction of the rollercoaster that comes with this particular phase of life. It might not be everyone’s story, but it sure was like mine.

If you'd like to hear more from Jasmine, you can find her on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiny Letter.

If you'd like to read this book, please consider using my link to purchase it from Amazon and help support Blonde Bibliotaph.